


Eavesdrop

by CeridwenofWales



Series: Songfics [1]
Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Disabled Character, Developing Relationship, Disability, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erectile Dysfunction, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Ivar Ragnarsson - Freeform, Ivar the Boneless - Freeform, Relationship(s), Sexual Dysfunction, Songfic, Songwriting, eavesdrop, the civil wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 21:09:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12779562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeridwenofWales/pseuds/CeridwenofWales
Summary: Work inspired by the songEavesdropfrom The Civil Wars





	Eavesdrop

##  _**I don’t want to talk right now**_  
**_I just want your arms wrapped around_**  
**_Me and this moment before it runs out_**

 

 

I know he is upset, feeling he had failed me. But I also know him well enough to be aware my words will not do him any good at this moment. He is lying on his back, arms under his head as his chest moves with every intake of breath. I want to say that it happens to any man, but he is not any man. His disability is a weight on his shoulders sometimes. It makes him push his boundaries to prove himself to everyone, to fight for his space. But I notice the way he gazes at other couples when he thinks I am not watching.

 

 

He had tried to push me away since the beginning, but I am as stubborn as Ivar. I lost count of the times he yelled at me. “Go and be happy! I cannot give you what a normal man can. You do not have to hold back your dreams for me.”

##  __

##  _**Oh, don’t say that it’s over**_  
_**Oh, no, say it ain’t so**_

__

****

Ivar had tried to break up with me many times. All I asked was if he stopped loving me to ask such a thing. His answer never changed. “I am doing this because I love you and I want you to have a fulfilling life, not to be trapped with me.”

 

 

I would always smile at him, “That is the reason I will not walk away. We love each other, and I would not want to be trapped with anyone else. Love is being trapped by our own choice.”

****

****

##  **_Let’s let the stars watch, let them stare  
Let the wind eavesdrop, I don’t care _ **

 

****

Every time he caught any man staring at me I could see him swallowing hard, jaw clenching. Jealousy and self-loathing clear on his face. “Let him watch, I am yours and you are mine and nothing will change this.” I would always whisper in his ear followed by kisses on his neck.

****

##    
**_For all that we’ve got, don’t let it go_**  
**_Just hold me_**

****

****

I keep staring at him until he stops looking at the ceiling and the icy and teary blue eyes are directed at me. “You should go,” His voice is cracking, and I make a motion to reach him. Ivar lifts his hand to stop me, “I cannot even give you pleasure. Why are you here?”

 

 

“You can please me, Ivar. Any man lives these moments sometimes. You are anxious. That is all,” I crawl to him until our foreheads are touching, “Making love is far more complex than penetration. We make love every time you hold my hand. When you look at me with adoration or bring me coffee and my favorite dessert. Every little gesture is a proof of the love we are building,” I kiss his lips softly and place my head on his chest, “Just hold me so I can feel you.” His skin is so warm against me that I start to feel my eyelids heavy.

****

****

##  **_I can’t pull you closer than this_**  
_**It’s just you and the moon on my skin** **  
**_****

****

“I can feel you in my blood and bones. I know that if I succeed in my attempts to push you away, it will be like being ripped apart.” He whispers against my hair and I look up at him.

****

****

##  **_Oh, who says it ever has to end_**  
**_Oh, don’t say that it’s over_**  
**_Oh, no, say it ain’t so_**  
**_Let’s let the stars watch, let them stare_**  
**_Let the wind eavesdrop, I don’t care_**  
**_For all that we’ve got don’t let go_**

****

“You do not have to be afraid. I will annoy you until the end of our days. It is known.” I raise my eyebrows as a challenge and he just shake his head, smiling.

 

 

“Do not you feel embarrassed with people looking at us and whispering about the pity that must keep you at my side?” His question hurts me because I thought I had proven that I am not ashamed of him or of our love.

****

****

“The only moment I am ashamed of you is when Hvitserk and you are fighting for the last slice of pizza.” I kiss his chest and start caressing his face.

 

 

“That is why you always eat the last slice? To keep the peace? Always the good girl, are not you?” He chuckles.

 

 

“You know me so well. Someone must make sacrifices to keep the peace in this family,” He kisses my temple, “Too much testosterone around. I wonder how your mother managed to raise four boys. I would lose my mind.” His face darkens with my comment and I know I hit a soft spot.

##  ****

##    
**_Let’s let the stars watch let them stare  
Let the wind eavesdrop I don’t care_**

****

****

“You can have it… with another man.” I see a vein on his neck pulsing and I know he is picturing me with someone else.

 

 

“Who said I wanted children? If, a big if here, my love… If I wanted a child, it would be only from you. But we had discussed it before and with every choice we leave other behind. I just want you to know that I do not feel like I am losing anything,” I see tears running down his cheeks and his body is shaking with his sobs, “We have Freyja. She is our baby and took so much after her father. As grumpy as you,” He laughs through the tears and as if she was summoned, we listen to the cat’s meow, “See? She even thinks the bed is hers.”

****

****

##  **_For all that we’ve got don’t let go_**  
**_Just hold, just hold me_**  
**_Just hold me_**  
**_Just hold me_**  
**_Just hold me  
 _**

****

“Come with Daddy! Your mother is jealous.” Ivar takes Freyja to sleep between us and I pout.

 

 

“Unbelievable.” I sigh, stroking Freyja’s belly.

 

 

Ivar pulls me closer and we are ready to sleep feeling our world is complete in this bed.


End file.
